DOC CONSTANTINE’S PHENOMENAL PEACH PANACEA

A peerless preparation of pulverized peach stone, precious peach extract, and potent botanical compounds guaranteed to restore the bloom to the cheek and the spring to the step! Fortified with cedar smoke, fir needle, chaparral, black amber, leather, and a mysterious quantity of Doc Constantine’s celebrated proprietary musk.  A miraculous peachy preparation for the restoration of vigor, vitality, and all manner of complaints!

(While Doc Constantine’s Phenomenal Peach Panacea has been prepared according to the highest standards of carny-cart apothecary excellence, it should be understood that this aromatic nostrum is intended for perfuming the person and delighting the senses only. It has not been proven to restore vigor, repair spirits, cure the vapors, strengthen the constitution, improve one’s prospects, or remedy any other physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, or romantic inconvenience. Any miraculous improvements in disposition, confidence, or peach-related afflictions are entirely coincidental.)